| Happy New Year!! |
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| 08:32pm 01/01/2007 |
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mood:  accomplished
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Wow, 2006 has been a hell of a year for me. What started out as stressful actually end up worthwhile in the end. I have no idea what my new years resolution is for this year since I made so many improvements last year even without my control. I guess it was based on maturity for the majority of it.
When I turned 19, I actually FELT that age which was really weird. Well I didn't mature right away but slowly throughout the months after. Basically during the end of the summer and once school started. At the same time, I didn't like the change that overcame me since I didn't find interest in a lot of things I used to do and its like I have to force myself if I want to enjoy myself again, but then I'd feel bad since thats not who I am anymore. Now I rely on balance and doing things to the point where I'm not exactly faking who I am but still am able to enjoy myself. Everything from my eating habits to my views and beliefs to my thoughts on guys, etc have changed. Everything I thought I wouldn't be, I turned into. It can be good and bad, both ways.
For example, I never knew changing eating habits could really affect social events. It can be hard going to a restaurant that doesn't have the greatest health options. I find that eating out with people, they are constantly making comments saying why I should even bother just because I don't eat like them anymore. But I feel as if its giving up on what I worked so hard for and its not just image but also for long-term health which I never used to pay attention to. I've had the lifestyle of eating whatever I wanted so its not like I never experienced that but now its time to get serious. Earlier this year I found out I had a Iron Anemia but I got my blood test taken again near the end of the year and they said I can stop taking my Iron supplements since the results show I don't have it anymore. Before I ate the unhealthiest foods, everyday was like take-out lol chinese, pizza, mcdonalds,etc. I hated fruits and vegetables. Now its the complete opposite. I tend to be strict when it comes to eating out but when I'm grocery shopping, I try not to deprive myself. There are so many more options with food while grocery shopping than eating out. I'll buy sweets which is weird since I never used to have a huge sweets craving, I just loved fatty foods. Now that I stay away from the majority of fatty foods like fries which used to be my favourite, I crave sugar. Its nice to know there are sugar alternatives like sugar-free cookies, chocolate even my favourite, Turtles!, etc to satisfy my craving. My favourite food has changed from fries to sushi. I don't eat anything fried. Now if I really crave fries (which is rare now) I bake low-fat McCain fries in the oven. What I hate the most is when people seen me after months or just met me recently at school, they always ASSUME its because of drugs or I don't eat. I lost all this weight naturally, diet and exercise to be exact. I even restrict myself from alcohol, since I used to drink a lot compared to now, its just occasionally (Once or Twice a month, its been once a month recently and during the time I was losing weight, I restricted myself completely). With drugs, I've never done any except for weed a long time ago (on and off during high school) but never liked the feeling, I would either get too tired or feel like I'm in a movie (watching myself instead of controlling myself) lol which feels weird since I like to have some kind of control. The majority of times I went on it again was because I thought I would feel differently. But I guess I'm glad it never became a regular habit since its not good for you. Anyways I'm rambling off again as usual lol
Another thing that has changed that was mentioned above are my views and beliefs. I'm more opinionated than I used to be and find interest in topics of discussion that I never thought I would. I even watch the news!! :O which is surprising since I HATED the news but now I find it interesting to know the daily happenings around the world. I used to refer to the news "for old people only" lol but I never expected myself to become interested in watching it. People can change. Of course I still have my childish moments which of course would not completely go away, every adult can't get rid of that or they'll cover it up as best as possible but it'll still be there.
Looking back through my past entries, they were ALWAYS about guys. Now for once I've become independent towards guys. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even any type of fun since people automatically assume, being single means just fooling around but thats not what I mean about not looking for a special someone. I also never knew how much pressure a single person who actually wants to be single has to go through. For example, people question their decision as if its a bad thing (hoping to change their mind) or try their best to set you up with someone when they knew already that your completely not looking. So you just end up turning down the guy which makes you feel bad but your just plain not looking. It can be hard when I'm out with friends since there will always be guys around. I just think I grew up a little too fast when it came with guys. I was even boy-crazy at a very early age!!! Even when I was in elementary, Me and my friend Nicole would go to the mall everyday just to scope out guys!!! We were so young and now its weird seeing little girls the same age as us before, doing the same thing lol then I seem hypocritical saying "How old are they?" when I realize I was doing the same when I was young as well lol So I think that somewhat turned me into who I am as well. In addition, the amount of stress my last boyfriend put on me (We broke up in April and I've been single since). I wrote about him in a previous entry. His problems made me feel as if they were my problems as well. The one thing I don't regret about dating is the experiences because it made me more knowledgeable about guys and smarter in my decisions if I ever wanted to start dating again. I now know what to expect and to not expect too much or else I'll end up hurt. Having a boyfriend doesn't seem worth it and now when I think about having one, I compare to how much it'll be worth it now compared to my future and I doubt any guy I meet now would be my soulmate so it just seems pointless. I've experienced the joys of dating and finally need a break. Another thing with boyfriends is when I'm stressed out with them, I lose all ability and motivation to do anything else, especially when it comes to school. I just noticed a pattern with boyfriends and being single in comparison to my grades in school. My marks were VERY low when I had a boyfriend in high school and the time when I actually was single, I was actually on the honor roll which was a year and one semester (Part of Grade 10 and all of Grade 11) but in Grade 12 when I started dating again, my grades dropped and I failed one class which I end up wasting a whole year to make up for. In a way I'm kinda glad that happened since I doubt I'd be more serious about school if I started college last year instead of this year but the bad part is wasting my year when I could have been half done my 2nd year by now. But everything happens for a reason right? Since now, my marks are VERY good, I even got an A+ in Accounting which is what I'm majoring in and at times it might seem I'm bragging but if you've seen my marks before, they were never that high so I say it out of happiness and all that hard work paid off. I also cut back on my social time which was really hard at first but in comparison to my future, it will be worth it. I'm going to be in school a lot longer so hopefully I get the hang of it. I want to finish college and then transfer to Ryerson since I rather have a degree than just a diploma. I kinda regret not taking academic classes in high school since then I could have been in university right now but I guess its kinda better to have an education in College AND University instead of just one. I just have to cut off a lot of my years just for my education. I don't plan on marrying anytime soon so that should be fine and it will be worth it in the end.
This year I'm pretty glad to the person I've become. I've never seen so many improvements in so little time. Of course there is always room for more improvements but everyone isn't perfect, right? I'm curious to know how the year 2007 will turn out but all I can do is wait and see. Hopefully, its not a year filled with drama but that I'll grow up one step closer as a mature adult, I'm going to turn 20 which seems like a whole different number so that's going to be weird. But aging is a beautiful thing so we all should embrace it and the years to come. |
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Read 5 - Post |
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| 02:14pm 22/08/2006 |
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It's amazing to me what has happened in one year....
A year ago today, I wasn't as smart and strong as I am now. About life that is. I was naive. I didn't even know some people that are now important to me. I didn't have relationships with them. That's amazing to me. It's amazing what can happen in one year. It seems when you look back on it, it seems like it was just yesterday. In this year, I've really grown up. I've learned a lot about the world. I've learned a lot about people. You can't make someone love you. That's the biggest lesson I learned the hard way. As much as you wish, you can't make time stop. Life doesn't stop for anyone. I learned that when you have no one, you have God. And He'll be there for you no matter what. So turn to Him. He wants you to come to Him. I've also learned that some people just aren't worth the time you give them. Some people don't deserve a second chance no matter how badly you want to give them one. Sometimes you just have to give up and leave things alone. Sometimes people just don't need you to worry about them. So you leave them alone and quietly care for them in your heart. I've learned that no matter how bad you think you have it, someone somewhere else has it much worse. All you can do is pray. Pray for things to get better. Pray for things to change. Pray for God to help make you a stronger person. You can't hide from your problems, sooner or later, they'll come sneaking up on you and you'll have to deal with them. I've learned that no matter how hard you cry, some people could really care less about how you feel. People don't care about how you feel. It doesn't matter to them that the words they say to you hurts you feelings. They wouldn't have said them in the first place. I've learned that the biggest battle you fight in life is the one with yourself. You want so badly to be perfect for everyone. Sometimes you don't feel good enough for people. Sometimes you'd rather just sit quietly in the dark, pull the covers over your head, and cry yourself to sleep. Sometimes it actually helps. And sometimes it makes things worse. Not too often, but sometimes, people will surprise you. People can be nice. People can make or break your day. It's just a matter of how you let it effect you. Sometimes people will take your breath away. Someone will smile at you and wonder how you ever lived without seeing that smile. I've learned that your family are not just the people who share the same blood as you, but are the people who know you better than you know yourself. Family are the people who are there for you no matter what. They are the people who have seen you in your worst and love you just the same. I've learned that you shouldn't change for anyone, but yourself. Don't compromise yourself for anyone. Dream as hard as you can. One day, you'll make them come true. I've learned that you should be open to love. Don't close yourself off from love no matter how bad you got hurt. And also, if your hesitant, don't do it. The other person deserves more. I've learned that sometimes staying home on a Saturday night with your family can be the time of your life. You don't always have to be going out to have fun. Goodbyes aren't easy. They are complicated and messy. Sometimes you have to fight with people just so you know how much they actually care. No matter how much you dissappoint your parents, they'll always forgive you. They'll always support you with every decision you make. I've learned that it's hard to not talk to someone when you're trying to ignore them. And I'll always give in. I always say sorry, even when I'm not, even when it's not my fault. Because I hate people being mad at me. I've learned that if someone doesn't like you, you really shouldn't worry about it. It may be hard, but it's the easiest thing you can do in that situation. I've learned that you can love someone with all your heart and not be in love with them. Timing is everything. Sometimes it's just not a good time. You should never look back. Think about the past, but don't live in it. Remember memories that make you smile. Never regret anything that once made you happy. I think I grew up way to fast. Some things you just have to learn. It's been a tough year.. I almost didn't make it. I'm thankful for everything that happened.
Next Step : College |
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Read 9 - Post |
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| Psychic |
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| 02:00pm 02/04/2006 |
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I went for the first time to a psychic, I've always been so curious. Some of it really seemed accurate except for the future, since I'm not there yet ... this is wat they said, so I can remember it for future purposes :
1. First card that went down was Children and that scared me lol but the psychic said I will have 3 children in my life of both sexes.
2. A long life that runs on one side of my family (dads) , I will have ... I will die of old age, between the ages of 85-86. Not from illness or accident but old age.
3. Marriage ... I'll marry once and it'll end til death do us part.
4. Career ... for example ... accounting wont be my career for life, I won't find it satisfying enough but eventually find a diff job that will satisfy me later on in life.
5. There is negative energy upon my family, other ppl who are jealous dont want my family to find true peace & happiness (I told my mom bout this and she mentioned how ppl in the philippines are envious upon my family ... at first I was thinking my dads ex wife but maybe that could be another thing).
6. I come from a family with good nature ... hard-working family with strong beliefs.
7. Right now I appear to be happy to other ppl but I'm actually not ... I'm really stressful at the moment ... I'm not satisfied where things are going and don't feel complete (sooo true).
8. My bf now cares about me a lot ... unfortunately right now he has issues which causes him not to show the love & affection that I need ... eventually that will change ... give him some time ... he will prove to be genuine ... I jus have to have faith (its sooo weird how she said this when i never even mentioned my current situation with him).
9. May, June & July are my lucky months. |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| Really old....Britney Spears crying |
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| 08:42pm 11/05/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted
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http://rapidshare.de/files/1653240/britneycrying.wmv.html
Awww.....this made me cry!
I'm sure if people went through what she did, they would react the same way too since it was really personal and sudden for her at the time. Especially for others who can relate to a first love and a heart wrenching breakup.
I would have acted the same as she did, when she was asked that question. I would TRY to act strong by going WOW and so on but then break down and cry because its hard to cover up how you feel inside. |
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Read 9 - Post |
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| Random |
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| 07:44pm 27/03/2005 |
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From ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=88.8) shoptoronto
Travel Crate with trapped person - Toy
Does anyone remember the toy that was a wooden crate with "Fragile" written on it and it had something inside rumbling or shaking that said "AHHHH LEMME OUTTA HERE LEMME OUTTA HERE LEMME OUTTA HERE"
I called around to Spencers thus far but nothing - anyone seen it recently or have one I could buy off 'em??
Marisa, didn't you have a key chain like this before? lol |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| So....Hungry |
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| 04:23pm 25/03/2005 |
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mood:  hungry
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There is food at my house but am I the only one who doesn't like their moms cooking?
Right now I'm just eating crackers with nothing on it...yeah very filling. There is mac & cheese my mom made the other day but for some reason, it tastes more milky instead of cheesy. My mom needs to learn how to balance out her cooking, she never uses measuring cups and all that and seems to put more than one item she needs in cooking something. I either have that problem or she'll cook too much meat, I'm not a big meat person but I know my dad is. Boo! Usually my parents eat the same thing until all the food is fully done then my mom actually cooks again. I'm not the type of person to eat the same food for a long amount of time = I'll get sick of it and I rather eats things fresh. |
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Read 11 - Post |
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| Haven't taken these quizzes in so long.... |
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| 01:03am 24/03/2005 |
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Yeah right...we don't even have cheerleaders at our school and its funny how they used Saved By The Bell as the picture. I used to love that show ! lol
Me and Holly (from E.C.I) would always watch it during Lunch until they stopped showing it and played The Cosby Show instead. |
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Read 9 - Post |
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| bored...can't sleep no more |
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| 06:41am 31/07/2004 |
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mood:  awake
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wow its been forever since I last updated...well I can't sleep right now..only had like 2 hours and im bored so I'm going to update. It's summer and one more month then there's school. Summer could be better..I think it's the same as last summer basically but Augusts are usually more fun. I never really updated either cuse I'm lazy or there's nothing really interesting to talk about. I'm planning on transferring to E.C.I. in Sept IF I can get in knowing my luck I won't..I tried in Grade 8 but they said I was out of the boundary..then again the guy in the next street of me goes to E.C.I. so...they prolly said that cuse a lot of Grade 9's were going at the time. It's a really huge school and I'm really sick of Redmond. Last semester was soo shit...I can't take it no more..I need a change and meet new people. I'm always up for changes..well good changes not bad :s. So I'm going to call in Aug 23rd..when the office is open..hopefully I get in *crosses fingers* lol yayz no uniforms ! :P blah its 7 in the morning and now my mind is blank and my dad just got me an ice capp and donuts(hawaillian) ..yum !!! so im going to go now bye |
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Read 16 - Post |
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| R.I.P. Krisettes Dad - Victor |
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| 10:10pm 22/04/2004 |
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mood:  sad
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Today this afternoon...Krisettes dad died..I found out when I got home and was wondering why my mom looked kinda sad. I thought maybe the school called and said something but then she told me Krisettes dad died. I was just like :O shocked ! It happened out of nowhere and I thought he was getting better. I feel so bad because I was with Krisette this morning and she seemed so happy. Now when she comes home, she's going to be really sad. Things can drastically change in one day.
I feel really bad for her..I dont know how I can handle it if it was my dad. I used to cry all the time when i was young..even sometimes now whenever I thought of death with my parents..I always thought of it..it keeps haunting me cuse I don't want to lose them but I know they will die someday. You shouldn't concentrate on the bad but the good which is sometimes why I look so happy but in my mind I have the saddest most scariest thoughts. I hate life..it isn't fair. Sometimes I just want to sleep and not wake up..cuse everytime something good happens...theres always bad right after so that's why its hard lookin forward to the good..cuse I know right after it'll all be gone:(.
I swear I never have the longest good luck ever anymore..it usually ends in like a week or so. Now this week I was trying to stay happy but after hearing this..now I feel sad. I think a lot about others and whatever they feel..I feel it too. I don't know why...I guess that's just the way I am. So it's hard to comfort ppl unless I've been through what they've been through. It would be hard with Krisette since I've never had a close one die..and I'm so scared for that to happen..thats one of my worst fears. Krisettes dad was kinda close....I just hope it doesn't get any closer :(.
My mom keeps on scaring me everyday..she always mentions death and it makes me mad !!!! Like today she kept on mentioning how my dad was sick, how hes old and going to be gone very soon. That he was going to the doctors soon for an x-ray cuse he might have something in his body. Comments like that scare me..I don't want him to die..thinkin about it makes me cry. My eyes even seem watery now :( but I got to stay strong cuse it hasn't happened yet. But if it does...I'll never stop crying. It'll be even worst then me cryin for a bf or some boy...since its my DAD...for ppl who know me...me cryin for a boy seems worst but my dad..wow i dunno how I can survive.
I'm trying to stay strong now by not crying...but I know it won't last very long..since I'm very emotional. I cry A LOT!!! trust me !!! now i have another thing to cry about :(....the crying just never stops...neither does the bad luck.... |
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Read 15 - Post |
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| Mid Term Marks |
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| 03:27pm 16/04/2004 |
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mood:  determined
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I just got my midterm marks and my marks are even better than before..
Computers : 73%
Religion : 80%
Media : 84%
Science : 95%
yayz my marks in skool are actually getting better.....
stina says not to brag haha :P...but im happy about them
its the only thing im proud of now.. |
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Read 7 - Post |
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| I (Have) Never.... |
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| 12:51pm 10/04/2004 |
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mood:  bored
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(_) I never shoplifted
(X) I never have been fired
(X) I have never cut myself on purpose
(X) I never have been in a fist fight
(X) I never had a 3-some
(_) I never snuck out of my parent's house
(_) I never have been tied up (sexually)
(X) I never been caught masturbating
(_) I never pissed on myself
(X) I never had sex with a member of the same sex
(_) I never had sex with a member of the opposite sex
(X) I never have been arrested
(_) I never made out with a stranger
(_) I never stole anything from my job(SCHOOL COUNTS)
(X) I never celebrated New Year's in Time Square
(X) I never went on a blind date
(_) I never lied to a friend
(X) I never had a crush on a teacher
(X) I never celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
(X) I never have been to Europe
(_) I never skipped school
(X) I never slept with a co-worker
(X) I never have been fisted and/or have fisted anyone
(X) I never have thrown up in a bar
(X) I never have purposely set myself on fire
(_) I never have eaten sushi
(X) I never have been snowboarding
(_) I never have been happy with myself
(_) I never have met a movie star
(X) I never had sex in a pool
(X) I never went to a prom
(X) I never bungee jumped
(_) I never have been to a pop concert
(X) I never have dated someone for over a year
(X) I never sold naked pictures of myself
(X) I have never been in a car accident
(_) I have never had my heart broken
(X) I have never held a baby white tiger
(_) I have never slept naked
(_) I have never asked a member of the opposite sex on a date
(_) I have never kissed someone of the same sex
(_) I have never kissed someone of the opposite sex
(_) I have never done any drugs, smoked anything, or been drunk |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| What's On My MInd |
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| 07:46pm 28/02/2004 |
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mood:  rejuvenated
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So the past few days ive been thinkin about everything and I think that I should stop with the guys....me wanting the need for a bf..because it doesnt seem to be going anywhere and if I do end up finding someone...there is always something wrong with them because they aren't like YOU (annoymous).
I'm just going to let things be and whenever someone comes along it'll be when im not in the need for a bf and unexpected. It's better that way because if u really want someone so badly..you would just be wit anyone but thinking about it..they arent exactly who u want..your just forcing yourself to like them. I want someone to come to me..I'm sick of lookin now..
Right now I'm going to concentrate on school because it's going well now and concentrate on my friends because they are always there no matter what.
Today I'm feeling strong..I shall not break down no more...hopefully this feeling stays and not for a short while.... |
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Read 13 - Post |
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elementsoflife's journal
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